I need more time (a crushingly stressful thought)

notenoughtime
You need more time…to feel what? Skip the middleman (time) and see what happens.

More time, more time, I need more time, more time, more more time time time, more time….

…oh, I almost didn’t see you there.

I was busy collating handouts for the upcoming retreat, facilitating the Year of Inquiry session, buying gluten-free cinnamon cookies and sesame crackers, apples and raw nuts, collecting together pens and clipboards, bringing the cleaning service in for deep cleaning, vacuuming and dusting myself, working with clients, doing a load of laundry, meeting with my co-trainer for a November class for Institute for The Work, spending an hour on the new Eating Peace Process curriculum, and setting up chairs for an eating peace meetup.

All while hearing the voice within occasionally say…er, I mean shout…

you NEED MORE TIME!

It seems true.

Right at the moment I realized I had a second meet-up scheduled in one week, this one on eating peace, I thought “why did I do that, right before the retreat??!!”

Before people arrived, I was thinking “boy, what I could do with two extra hours right now.”

The quest or demand for more time shows up in so many places:

Something needs to be found, completed, accomplished, done, over, satisfied, obtained, gained, finished.

That’s why I need more time.

Here’s a fabulous question, I first heard from Byron Katie, that really puts this whole “needing more time” thing in the front and center, with a big spotlight shining on it:

What would I have, if I had that thing “done” or “accomplished”?

What would I have, if I had more of this thing called “time”?

Or if everything, absolutely everything, was now handled, completed, tasks finished?

The answer my mind comes up with?

Freedom. Free do to ANYTHING I choose. Free to continue on to the next thing. Free to try something new. Free to Not Work. Free to experience MORE.

Hmmm.

Do I really need more time, in order to experience freedom? Is it true I need to experience MORE? More life, more days, more doing things I like, more pleasure, more happiness, more enlightenment, more awareness, more goodness, more love, more adventure?

Do I really need “more”?

Phew. Haha. Seems rather funny in this moment. And it’s a big inquiry. A very repeated overarching idea.

Let’s look.

I need “more” time than I have right now.

Is it true?

No.

How could I possibly know this to be true?

I’m not even sure why I want “more”! I notice there’s flow, there’s something happening, I call it time, I decide I need more of it, I’m trying to control my day, my pace, my process, my life, my happiness and believing it’s possible through MORE of something that apparently isn’t here in this moment.

Not exactly stress-free, to have this idea that MORE is needed, of anything….including time.

When I have the thought, I see pictures and images haunting me of what’s in store for the future. Unfinished tasks. Unaccomplished dreams. A life cut short.

I’m threatening myself with the need for “more” of this thing called time. I’m demanding, expecting, hoping for LOTS of it.

With the belief, I feel like I’m leaning forward, running forward, sometimes like there’s a headwind pushing against me. Like I have someone screaming in the future, way on the horizon, for me to go faster, more efficiently, quicker, and not give up!

Such a stressful project, idea, desire, vision.

Who would I be without this belief? Without this thought that I need more time, more, more, more time?

Standing here now, with limited days. No idea how many, but clearly they are limited.

Knowing there’s an end to this life as I know it, and it’s absolutely OK. It’s the way of it.

Without this belief rolling through the mind, could I open up to the idea that this moment is precious, sweet, enough. Nothing more required. No future day needed.

It doesn’t mean I stop doing anything. I notice I’m writing this. Fingers are tapping on a keyboard. I pause and gaze out the window to stare at morning dew on green grass for a moment.

I notice a clock here in the room, and awareness of my calendar for the day which is very full, and the next four days blocked off for retreat with people coming.

Without the thought I need more time, this moment feels like a joyful one. Enough.

We’ll all die at some point. I’ll be gone from this body, this life, this construct at some point.

Without the thought “I need more time” I notice such beauty of the room I’m in at this moment, faces of the people I love floating through my mind, visions of the people traveling today to come to retreat who I get to meet for the first time, a journey underway….

….but THIS moment now is full of silence and the refrigerator humming very softly.

Enough, enough, enough.

Shhhhhhh.

Hush, quiet, thrill, joy, peace.

Gratitude I have this moment. I could be gone in an hour, for all I know (and I love that I have no idea). Wondrous world, unfolding in yet another day I get to experience, another morning blossoming.

Without the thought, I notice the sweet evening last night that accomplished absolutely nothing for the retreat beginning tomorrow (apparently), but the joy of connecting with people who came to learn how to do The Work when it comes to compulsive behavior. I got to deeply listen, hear their words, hear their questions. I forgot all about how long the to-do list was. Nothing on that list required.

Turning the thought around: I do NOT need more time. I need less time. My thinking needs more time. I need more of myself, in this moment.

Ooooh, here I am giving time to my thinking, writing this Grace Note, questioning thoughts of “more”. Here I am feeling this moment, now, and opening up to the idea that it’s plenty, it’s enough, it’s genius.

I do not need more time to finish anything, write that book, find love, sort out that uncomfortable relationship, experience, get enlightened, live.

All those things are happening right now. Right now.

“Everything that seems permanent is in truth impermanent and will be smashed….Right now, in this very moment, you stand on sacred and holy ground, for that which will be lost has not yet been lost, and realizing this simple thing is the key to unspeakable joy….Everything is present.” ~ Jeff Foster in The Deepest Acceptance

Even the imagined future I would get with more time is not somewhere in the future as a good-feeling moment.

Despite having this amount of time I have….

….or perhaps because I have limited time, lost time, no more time….

….I can slow down, even to a halt, and feel the gratitude of absolutely unknowing impermanence, the thank you for this day, now, and nothing more.

No more time required or necessary.

How very exciting!

Much love,

Grace

I really do need more time (and empower radio show!)

My friend and colleague Doug Foresta (creative, thoughtful and hilarious too) interviewed me on his Empower Radio show. Listen as we talk about peace and he asks me….what is peace and how do we access it anyway, and other cool questions that I usually ask other people.

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Let the opposites play on! There is enough, and not enough time. And this is perfect.
Right Now, I have enough time.

So I’m not sure how it happened…..

….(OK, OK I know I am actually the person who said “yes” to my own calendar schedule, why’d you have to remind me?)….

….but I’m starting TWO teleclasses in the next ten days followed by a 3 day retreat here in Seattle area where we’ll be doing The Work and focusing deeply on how we create, feel and live the turnarounds we find when we do The Work (very cool exercises to help facilitate this together).

(The three events starting soon are May 4th Weds 9 am Relationship Hell to Heaven, May 9th Mondays 5:30-7:00 pm Eating Peace Core Teleclass the 8 week version, and Spring Retreat May 13-15 space left for 2).

I seriously did not plan starting two teleclasses plus a retreat in such a condensed period of time on purpose.

I never would do that.

Except this statement appears to be untrue. As it turns out, I’m probably doing that.

Do you ever feel a time crunch scheduling conflict, and you’re a little stressed about the load?

Or, perhaps, it’s completely impossible to do what you think you wanted to do in the amount of time you had available to do it in?

Oy vey.

I need more time.

It’s sooooo true!

We’ve done similar inquiry before, but let’s see what happens today as we look more deeply at why we need more time, and what’s really going on with this belief “I need more time.”

This is one of those top-hit repeating thoughts. A stressful belief that appears and re-appears over and over.

So….why?

Why do you need more time?

Because I have special things to say about the Relationships Course and they need to be written, then shared, and special things to say about the Eating Peace course, and two different mailing lists of people interested in them, and I should tell them about what they’re like so they can decide if its a good time for them to take the plunge and do The Work in these areas.

Writing and making announcements takes time!

But I’m off in the hinterlands to hang out on the earth with a small tribe doing more non-writing-ish things. I won’t have my computer with me much. Although this hasn’t stopped me before.

Why do I need to write about my courses?

So people know about them, so they can opt-in and sign up. You can’t actually run a course or a retreat without people participating in it….right??!

(Not actually true, I realize. I can do The Work myself in quiet solitude and have a fabulous time being student and facilitator….although I’m pretty dang sure I wouldn’t sit as still, nor as quietly, nor as long, if on my own. But that’s another inquiry.)

Funny, though….having people enrolled seems important. It seems necessary. Maybe even critical for making this business of service in The Work to happen. How else do I join with others to do inquiry? How else do I earn a living?

This is VERY IMPORTANT!!

I do know, however, that creating offerings and sharing them with the world can be done stress-free (amazing, but true) and without the belief “I need more time!” screaming in my ears.

If you feel like you really need more time to complete something, or accomplish it the way you want, then this inquiry is for you.

This inquiry can happen when you’re on a freeway stuck in traffic and you’re late. It can happen if your biological clock is ticking and pretty soon it won’t be possible to have children. It can happen if you’re aging and you want to live to see more happen. It can happen if someone you love dearly is moving away, or terminally ill. It can happen if a buzzer just went off and you had to stop doing whatever you were doing.

I need more time….so I can savor what’s happening much longer, so I can not feel the loss, so I can feel filled up, so I can be satisfied, successful, achieve what I want, accomplish the dream, or live.

It’s a pretty big deal, this needing more time. A lot is hanging on it.

How do you react when you believe you need more time?

I make lists, sometimes physically but mostly in my head. I think since there’s pressure to get stuff done in a certain amount of time, I have to be hyper clear, on task, no “wasted” time. I feel a rushed energy within, tight and tense.

If someone interrupts you, and you’re believing you need more time, how do you treat that person? (Visions of telling my daughter NOT NOW when she burst through the door to my room).

Sometimes, with this belief, there’s sadness. Hand wringing. Fear. Pictures of what’s to come….like death, life over, time run out. I think about my dad dying long ago. I needed more time with him.

But who would you be without this thought that you need more time?

What if all those things you need more time for, can wait….or aren’t really necessary for happiness, right now?

Wait. What?

I don’t need more time with my dad, in order to be happy? I don’t need more time to wake up and get enlightened? I don’t need more time to make money?

Huh.

What if you stopped, in this moment, and noticed the space you’re in. Are you OK? What’s going on right now, no matter what the date, year, or hour on the clock says?

Ha ha, for me, I notice my body is ready to take a walk, not write. I put on my coat and slip my phone/camera into one pocket and my wallet in the other of my heavy down coat. I walk out on the street of this new city I’m in, where I’ve never been before. I stop in a little organic grocery mart and get some yummy food in a little bag, snack size. I step out again and begin to walk, having no mental idea of where I am, looking around at the buildings with fascination.

I stop sometimes and take a picture, I love buildings so much. I notice the odd arrangement of huge brick Victorian houses next to weird 1960s complexes. I walk and walk and breathe in the air and stare at the people, listen to the French and the English being spoken, and drink in the street.

And then, I turn a corner and before my eyes appears a massive gigantic building rising in the distance with a tall tower reminiscent of Big Ben in London, with gargoyles and flowery decor and massive windows, all across an expansive lawn. As I walk, I’m in the middle of a huge central square, and right near me a big beautiful flame burning as the sun sets in a sort of tureen in the middle of a wide stately walk.

Welcome to the Parliament of Canada, I read on the sign.

I had no idea this was here.

I do not need more time.

Could this opposite point of view be truer?

“Focus your attention on the now and tell me what problem you have at this moment….You are leaving behind the deadening world of mental abstraction, of time. You are getting out of the insane mind that is draining you of life energy, just as it is slowly poisoning and destroying the Earth. You are awakening out of the dream of time into the present.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

Much love,

Grace

P.S. For either telecourse, or the retreat, you need no experience in self-inquiry. Come. Something in your mind produces stress when it comes to love, or that one particular relationship. Some thought in your mind produces agony when it comes to eating. Troubling thoughts about reality create a troubling reality. Come to teleclass, or to retreat in Seattle, and turn in the direction of peace.