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A most sweet client recently came to me with concern for the way someone really close to her had cut her off.
Oh boy…one of my favorite repetitive beliefs. I could relate! I may have mentioned this once or twice before. But there was an interesting new little piece of the puzzle that I noticed more clearly.
The belief that SINCE that person was CAPABLE of distancing, getting mad, cutting me off, going silent, running away, ending the relationship, banishing me…..IT MEANS THAT:
- he is mean and nasty
- they are stupid, immature, vindictive, wrong, ill, crazy, harsh, hard
- he is not loving
- she is a terrible person
- she is too much of a scaredy cat
- she must not have really loved me
- I can’t forgive that person
- good riddance!
Oopsy Daisy. Unfortunately, this kind of attack-mode can use up a lot of energy mentally and emotionally.
And no one likes being mad at someone else. Just about EVERYONE, if given a choice between hating someone and feeling love and forgiveness towards them will always choose love and forgiveness.
People really are amazing at the core.
So as we looked at the whole set up together, this honest woman and I, she could find how even though the person in question no longer has cut her off (always good to notice) she thinks of how he was capable of it before. How all that time passed without contact.
And she feels sad, and angry, and maybe other feelings as well. Not exactly happy, relaxed, gentle feelings. Not stress-free.
When we get hurt, sometimes it stings for awhile. Sometimes it stings for YEARS. That’s the way of the mind when we don’t investigate the situation.
Is it really, actually 100% true that the person who cut you off is unloving? Are they really too harsh? Given who they are, and what their whole life experience has been….can you know it’s true that they should be different?
Are you sure it would be better if they stuck around?
What if this is like “It’s A Wonderful Life” only in reverse? The thing that is wanted is for the person to be close, connected, around, present. But what happened in reality is the person is distant, absent, gone, bye-bye.
Maybe the way the movie would play out, if the person STAYED, is NOT SO GOOD. Maybe all kinds of totally and completely unforeseen things would play out, if they were present.
Maybe they needed to be gone, for that period of time. Maybe that was just what the doctor ordered, for you. Your path. Your freedom.
How is it OK that this person acted like that? How was it actually, dare I say it, LOVING that they exited out, cut you off, said *NO CONTACT* in that tone of voice?
When my former husband moved out….I started doing The Work as if my life depended on it.
It did.
Because being able to feel trust, acceptance and love was what I wanted most. What all of us want most.
When he left, I could ask myself how this might be a friendly situation? How could this bring me new possibilities? What if this is my ticket to God? What if THIS was my path to peace?
Would I take it away?
Sometimes you don’t know right away what the positive is. Sometimes you don’t know why that person is gone, how that could be good for you.
Or why that job is gone, the money is gone, the time has run out, your health is not good, the day is over, or the birds flew away.
But you don’t have to know.
Examples of how it is true that it is a good thing that the person left when they did (and maybe returned again later) will come to you, if you’re open to it.
“Every single human being is trying his best. We’re all doing the best we can. But when we believe what we think, we have to live out those thoughts. When there’s chaos in our heads, there’s chaos in our lives. when there’s hurt in our thinking, there’s hurt in our lives. Love thy neighbor as thyself? I always have. When I hated me, I hated you. That’s how it works. If I hate someone, I’m mistaking them for me, and solutions remain hidden.”~ Byron Katie
Love, Grace
Horrible Food Wonderful Food Weekend In-Person Intensive Seattle January 12-13, 2013 Saturday 10 – 5:30, Sunday 1:30-5:30. $215. To register click HERE now and then send me an email grace@workwithgrace.com.
Mark your calendar for Breitenbush, the end of June 2013! We will be looking at all aspects of what we consider to be flaws in the body, and Un-doing our beliefs about them. Stay tuned if you’d like to join me and Susan Grace Beekman from June 26-30, 2013. You can change your internal beliefs about what you think bodies should be like….and change your entire experience of being in yours.
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