Leaving home to get together with a group to explore and learn something or travel to distant lands is a pretty common human activity.
It’s also a pretty huge hassle sometimes, and requires a lot of resources and the right circumstances. Job, money, time, freedom to go.
I have to get this body from here to there. Here, I am in my comfortable home where I’m used to the bed, the bathroom, I know where anything I need is stored, there is no issue of uncertainty about finding water, bathing, toothpaste, cupboards holding food I myself have purchased.
Going somewhere requires getting in a vehicle, buying a plane ticket or a train ticket, spending other money to make sure you have what you think will bring you comfort, saying goodbye to friends and family and the familiar….
….and uncertainty.
What will it look like, what will happen? Will I be uncomfortable? Can I find what I need when I’m there (not here)? Will I be able to relax? Will I be threatened in some way, no matter how small? Will there be bugs, or strange noises, or weird people?
It’s funny how the mind will activate and start flashing pictures before your eyes of why NOT to do something new, go someplace different, travel, explore, move, change, see something unusual.
Even if staying home is boring, same same, too comfortable, unfulfilling, or maybe fraught with abrasive family relationships that aren’t that fun.
Better stay at least in the familiar. It could be worse.
I find the mind has the same kind of worry, avoidance, and discomfort with the internal landscape of who we are.
The mind will say…..
….this right here can’t be “it”, can’t be enough. This right here is not entirely fulfilling. Maybe this right here, my life as it is, actually has some discord and tension. Arguments with co-worker, spouse, child, parent, neighbor.
But don’t try anything different!
It could be worse!
It’s like the mind, or that way of thinking, is peppered or infused with what I like to call “careful” syndrome.
Be careful. Life is tricky. Anything could happen. Watch out. Don’t be reckless. Don’t go overboard. Don’t try it. Do not jump. Don’t make that move. You’ll regret it. I said be careful!!
Sounds like a nervous parent, doesn’t it?
But are you sure you need to be careful? Is this actually true? Are you positive this carefulness is required, or the best approach to life? Or the least dangerous?
Whew.
No.
I’ve felt a lot of twisted up tightness and unhappiness when believing I need to be careful. And I have NO idea if my carefulness ever, ever prevented something bad from happening.
I’m pretty sure that me being careful has never meant safety.
Could life be worse?
Now, that’s an interesting question. We have NO IDEA what will occur in the future, not even for sure tomorrow or even 6 minutes from now. It’s sooooo goofy that the mind can even come up with this imaginary scenario that it could be worse.
I actually don’t know it’s true. It could be something might happen, and even if it’s big and dramatic, or scary….it’s NOT worse.
How do you react when you think you should be careful? Or else (worse, bad, terrible)?
I stay home. I work a lot. I keep busy in a weird kind of way that prevents silent time and opening up to deeper thinking. I skip meditating. I push towards some of the same goals. I don’t have conversations that might be important to have….uncomfortable ones. I don’t bring up things I feel anxious to speak about. I don’t make changes. I don’t try anything truly different. I don’t travel, physically, or internally.
Who would you be without this story of You Needing To Be Careful?
Huh.
The strangeness of being without this thought suddenly comes forward. I notice how much care and effort I’ve made in my life to be cautious, tentative, not plunge in, wait, hesitate, decide against something.
What if I didn’t think my children should be careful? What if carefulness wasn’t required? What if taking care, in this anxious way, didn’t prevent “bad” things from happening? What if everything happened, whether I was taking care or not? What if it truly was not necessary whatsoever, or even possible, to Be Careful?
Gulp.
Mind blown.
Turning the belief around:
I do not have to be careful. There is no WORSE way for it to be. It’s THIS way, the way it is. It could be BETTER.
Wow, it could be better. Change could offer something interesting. Staying the same, and relaxing with it, could also offer something interesting.
My thinking and the story my thoughts invent make things worse. I scare myself with my imagination. (Ha ha, isn’t that the truth)?
And what if I lived this turnaround, that things might be better, or unknown and mysterious (yay) and what if I was willing to have anything happen?
What if I could sense in my bones the feeling of looking forward to anything that happens?
Yes, anything.
No resistance. No bracing myself for the blow, or being exceptionally careful so it doesn’t hurt so bad, or blocking and avoiding so I don’t get over-stimulated or exhausted. No walking on eggshells. No holding back.
It doesn’t mean, oh no….I’m now going to hurt myself or other people. It’s not swinging to the complete opposite “I’ll be CARELESS!” like now I’ll try to jump off the roof because dang-it I want to see what it’s like to fly for two seconds!
It’s not running wildly through a china shop knocking over everything, or doing this to the inside of my psyche and my inner world and freaking myself out.
But it is expanding my world into far more possibilities.
It feels, when I live the turnaround and feel the turnaround “I do not HAVE TO be careful” like I trust something about reality. I’m here, willing to be here, looking forward to being here until I’m not.
This feels deeply joyful. It feels like a place beyond this mental outlook or worrying story. It feels full of wonder.
Wonder, and awe, and many adventures and travels.
Who are you, without the story that you need to watch out, or be careful?
Don’t Make Lists by Dorothy Walters
your awakening crown.
Are you ready for an adventure of the inner AND outer kind?
There is such an adventure for those who are called, at Breitenbush Hotsprings Resort and Conference Center in eastern Oregon deep in the old growth forest. It’s a stunning physical setting, and your physical body is well nourished and cared for with silent bathing pools to use (outside of our retreat sessions), delicious vegetarian home-cooked meals full of vegetables and fruits, and the air filled with emerald green ancient trees.
The beds are all exquisite (I stay right there every year and sleep so well, it’s amazing). The night is so silent and dark, it’s a drastic comparison to city and town life. No cell service, no internet. You’ll unplug
And on the inside, we investigate with mind, heart and soul. We start with The Work on an important and difficult issue in our lives, someone we’re at odds with, something we find disturbing. We get to spend time with our perspective and take it through this most powerful form of self-inquiry. We get to wonder about new ways to see, like not being so careful, not feeling stuck or squished in our lives.
Breitenbush Summer Retreat is less than a month away. There are only a few spaces left, and a few of those delicious beds. Call them to register today, before they open up the beds to the general public. Click here: Breitenbush for all the information you need to call them, and find many questions answered.
At Breitenbush, we do The Work, take silent breaks, eat in silence together, share facilitation with others, share in our group, walk the labyrinth with inquiry (yes, they have a labyrinth), walk through lush, soft green trails of gigantic trees and wild purple rhododendrons, schedule a massage, soak in the springs, dance on Saturday night in the great lodge hall, and expand our vision, together.
We nurture ourselves by being with ourselves directly. Not carelessly, not fearfully with the kind of care that makes us small….
….but with curiosity, and an opening mind.
Won’t you come join us forgetting what you know to be true that brings you sadness, confusion, irritation and suffering?
Beginners to The Work are totally welcome. Experienced are also very welcome. A beautiful collection of people always arrive. Ready to explore the inner and the outer by stepping away from normal life for 5 days.
Not much time left, if you call very soon you’ll still have some excellent lodging choices…..and some excellent new turnaround choices for your life.
“Don’t be careful, you could hurt yourself.” ~ Byron Katie
Much love, Grace
P.S. I am so touched to let you know of a beautiful offer: If you are seriously considering Breitenbush but concerned about the money, we have an angel donor who is offering some scholarship aid for lodging. She loves the work, has done many programs with me, and wants to support someone attending. Please write grace@workwithgrace.com to learn more and send me an email.