One of the most common questions people have when looking at something very troubling (or even mildly disturbing) in life is WHY?
Why did that happen?
What was the cause?
Why did I act the way I acted, why did he/she do what they did? Why did she feel that way? Why did I feel that way? Where did this come from? Why is it going the way it’s going? What’d I do?
It’s like there’s this huge thirst to understand, to comprehend our nature, or other people’s reasons for doing what they do….
….but can we really find peace in knowing why?
Today in the Relationships Hell To Heaven class, that’s what we were investigating.
I need to know why “x” happened.
Yeah! It’s absolutely true!
If I knew why she dropped our friendship, if I knew why he was so mean, if I knew why he didn’t think our relationship was enough for him, if I knew why that happened to me, if I knew why life has turned out like this, if I knew why I got cancer, if I knew why I had so little money, if I knew why she said that….
....I’d be happier.
Are you sure?
Oh.
Not really.
How do you react when you believe you need to know why…and you don’t know 100% why something is the way it is?
I HATE NOT KNOWING! Argggh!
Participants in the group inquiry yesterday looked closely at how they felt when they believed they needed to know why something went the way it did:
Angry, frustrated, ruminating on the problem, driving their car in silence and rehashing what went on in the past, analyzing.
Who would you be, though, if you couldn’t believe you need to know why, order to be truly happy?
It’s one of those bizarre ideas, noticing who I’d be without the belief that I need to know why anything is the way it is.
Like my mind tries to go down an alley, or an interesting coldesac, or down a hole, or on a journey into space, but there’s no answer….
….and it’s OK that there’s no answer.
Full stop. No need to know why in order to be happy?
Yes.
I notice I have no idea why this world is the way it actually seems, why life is like *this*, why I am alive, why I was born, why the wind blows.
In my family growing up, my parents used to play music all the time. One album they put on regularly was by the singer Odetta who was popular in the 1960s and beyond. She had a fabulous song, a variation on a tune written by Woody Guthrie, I loved since I was about five called “Why Oh Why?”
The song is the sweetest moment of a child’s bedtime.
The child asks in the song….Why is the sky so blue? Why oh why oh why?
The parent answers “…because, because, because, because… goodnight, goodnight.”
“While there is nothing to fear about our natural state of infinite Being, such a state is beyond the ego’s ability to understand, and as always, egos fear whatever they do not understand and cannot control. As soon as our identity leaves the ego realm and assumes its rightful place as the infinite no-thing-ness/every-thing-ness of awareness, all fear vanishes in the same manner as when we awaken from a bad dream.” ~ Adyashanti
Deep breath.
I turn the thought around: I don’t need to know why, if I don’t.
Isn’t that lighter, more free, rather funny even?
“How do I know that I don’t need what I want? I don’t have it.” ~ Byron Katie
I don’t have the answer.
Turns out, I don’t need an answer.
Wow! Can you find it?
Much love, Grace