Grace Notes

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Responsible For You–Peace With Money

It’s the fifth month of Year of Inquiry, the amazing group who gather to practice the work regularly for an entire year.

The fifth month is Money.

The Money teleclass happens to be underway at the very same time. I’m hearing lots of painful thoughts about money.

It’s so fascinating, and touching.

Several people recently shared with our YOI group “I thought this was going to be an easy month!”

Maybe they feel like they have enough, they aren’t concerned daily about money, there isn’t much bothering them about finances….

….but then, once they landed on a moment with money that felt stressful….

….uh oh. 

They have more than me. She should save better. He shouldn’t have charged me so much. They conned me. They should pay better. I don’t make enough. He owes me. They are losers. It’s unfair.

Recently I was talking with a dear inquirer who’s taken teleclasses with me. He’s in a relationship and about to get married.

He shared about a moment with money, and his partner, when he had a stressful feeling.

He had expected to split a vacation expense 50/50 with his partner.

She wanted him to pay the whole bill.

Fortunately they had inquiry, and a way to speak out loud all they were thinking and feeling, and a deep appreciation for arriving at peace and clarity no matter what the final outcome.

From his own self-inquiry, this willing inquirer asked himself what was going on, that he should want this 50/50 split?

He also asked his partner what him paying meant for her, what she liked about it, what it could offer her?

He wanted to hear it.

In the end….

….he paid for the whole vacation, with joy and appreciation for what he was giving.

But he couldn’t have done that without walking through inquiry first.

And it doesn’t mean that was the “right” way for it to turn out. It could have been that the 50/50 contribution was the best and most balanced way as well. Everyone has a different situation, a different experience.

The story reminded me of my own work, in the same department about who’s picking up the bill, who’s forking over the cash.

It’s a little embarrassing to admit.

But here’s the thought, the way it came out of me:

I HATE paying 100% for a partner on a romantic date! Offensive! Unsupportive! Used! Wrong! Boring! Stupid! Jerk!

Heh heh.

What I came to see was how afraid I was of running out of money, that it meant I was completely unappreciated, and I could not practice receiving.

(I like receiving!)

So who would I be without the belief that I was unsupported, unappreciated, that some part of myself (I imagined a feminine part)wasn’t held, admired, or celebrated IF and WHEN I was the one paying?

Wow.

All my social conditioning broke down, without that belief.

Collapsed.

I noticed, I had plenty of money, enough to cover the fancy dinner. I noticed the appreciation from the other person for what was being given.

I noticed most of all, what I thought it meant to “pay” (losing, my resources depleting, my pot getting smaller).

What if paying wasn’t a bad thing? What if I was receiving, or I was getting paid, right in that same situation? Could that be as true?

There was money, apparently money from my purse to the restaurant.

I could notice there was no need to have a heart attack about the situation.

It doesn’t mean I’m trying to force myself to do something I don’t want to do.

In fact, I notice I absolutely adore my partner picking up the tab. That’s my favorite, still, in the restaurant scene.

But through my own inquiry, I became aware of how in this situation, I got to feel the thrill of being the one supporting, finally. After many years and moments of a partner, or my parents, or my grandparents, being the ones to open the wallet.

How is it a good thing for you to pay for whatever it is you’re doing, enjoying, eating at a restaurant, learning, receiving?

What if you didn’t complain about money moving from you towards that other thing?

What if paying was absolutely safe? And you’re free to choose?

“The reason you feel all this turmoil is that you’re stuck in the center of a lie….’He owes me’–is that true? Can you absolutely know that it’s true? How do you react when you think that thought? Ask yourself. And who would you be without the thought? You would be responsible for yourself.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

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Eating Peace: I Feel Like Eating Because….

How do some people heal from eating battles, concerns with food and weight, or thoughts and cravings for food?

What’s the difference between someone who gets over it once and for all, and someone who goes back to eating in a way that feels self-destructive, or who gains and loses weight over and over?

The most common attempt to solve the problem of compulsive behavior around food is diet and exercise.

This may help, but people often stop right there and don’t continue to explore all the elements that make the “storm” of off-balance eating.

For me, the only answer to true healing from eating troubles….

….to become someone who no longer has any need to overeat, binge, starve themselves on purpose, gain weight, or attempt to control themselves with diets….

….is a deep form of self-inquiry.

You might say “seriously?!” 

Yes.

The place to begin is to see what you’re thinking, believing, and feeling about not just food, but life.

In the moments you feel worried, nervous, sad, enraged, furious or hurt….

….those are your moments for investigation.

Here’s where to begin this journey, and the great question to ask yourself when you feel like eating when you aren’t really hungry (or you’re completely stuffed).

Much love,
Grace
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He Shouldn’t Lean Away And Other Lies About Lovers

animals-fightingI was so excited and happy, full of anticipation.

I had been seeing a man who I thought was gorgeous, smart, clever and creative.

We had quite a few dates out, a few fancy dinners. We went to see some of the latest hip bands in cool downtown venues. We went to an art opening. We had a barbecue by the water during the luscious summer months, which turned into a bonfire on the beach late into the night, just the two of us talking.

Last night he had invited me to dinner on a Saturday.

At his house.

Hand clapping, beating heart. I liked where this was going!

I had spent the night.

This very morning, I had to get up super early and head for a previous commitment. But I had been giddy with attraction, slipping out his front door at dawn after whispering goodbye in his ear.

I felt like when you drink several cups of coffee.

Only much better.

Waves of the fun night before would wash through me. And now, it was evening on Sunday, after both of us had spent the day apart after our first night together.

I was on my way back to his house for a light supper of leftovers, he said, but an early night.

Yes….I really liked what was happening. This was fun, fun, fun.

Until.

As he opened that same front door that I had softly opened and closed about 12 hours earlier at the crack of dawn, I saw a strained look.

Oh. He didn’t embrace me, or even kiss me on the cheek.

I asked how his day was.

He said a few words, I followed him into his kitchen. He chatted a little. We went to the back patio to sit until the food was ready. He sat down on wrought iron chair that looked big enough for two, I sat right next to him, very close.

He leaned away, gazed off at the neighbor’s house. As in leaning *away*. Pretty obvious.

“That was kind of weird last night” he said. “I guess we’ve now experienced friends-with-benefits.”

Thunk.

What did he just say?

My heart dove.

Later, and very fortunately, I had The Work…

…so I could take this situation to inquiry.

Even though my head was screaming “How could I have gotten this so wrong? What an idiot I am,” and other thoughts all attacking me.

But have you ever noticed when you berate yourself, you’re missing very important clarity about what you actually think is true?

What I thought was true was I was being rejected.

It hurt.

I crunched down and really looked.

Who would I be without the belief that he should think any tiny little thing between us, including my specialness (or lack of specialness), should be any different?

Without the belief I was being rejected?

Without the belief it needed to go any differently?

I realized I would be filled with gratitude about our time together….

….and also move on to focus on other interesting men, other datable men, maybe men wanting more connection and conversation and time together than this one.

Nothing wrong with this particular man, at all. I could simply notice “oh…got it…” and have fun moving on with joyful anticipation.

Wow, what a relief to find this didn’t have to mean anything about me.

Ha ha!

The heavy weight from my heart lifted like a big hot air balloon floating into the sky.

“You’re the one who believes this lie that hurts so much. I hear from you that if you didn’t believe it, you’d be happy. And when you do believe it, you pry and demand. So how can your husband [or lover] be a problem? You’re trying to alter reality. This is confusion. I’m a lover of reality. I can always count on it. And I love that it can change, too. But I’m a lover of realty just the way it is now.” ~ Byron Katie 

Turns out, I did move on to other brilliant datable men. What an adventure!

One of them, I married.

Because that was, and is, so fun for me.

If you’re stuck in painful stories about who you should, or should not, be attracted to….or who should, or should not, be attracted to you….

….then come join the fun in Our Wonderful Sexuality, the teleclass that begins January 22nd.

It’s safe. It’s honest. It’s a breath of fresh air for sure.

At least, it has been for me.

If teleclasses are not your style, just begin with identifying your troubling beliefs about getting hurt.

You may find some relief, or total liberation.

Much love,

Grace

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Waking Up Is Not Dictating What Others Should Do–Including The S Word

Breitenbush Hotsprings Annual Retreat in Oregon June 24-28 is open for registration. Sign up soon for the best accommodation choices by calling 503-854-3320.

It is awesome. We do The Work deeply on what disturbs our peace….there is nothing like awakening with yourself as your own teacher, questioning your stressful thoughts. And the location helps, too.

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Do you have rules about a partner's activities that scare you or make you mad? Inquiry can REALLY help!
Do you have rules about a partner’s activities that scare you or make you mad? Inquiry can REALLY help!

“Do we have to share about our sex life, or lack of it?” she said with a nervous laugh.Not long ago someone wrote to me to say she was wondering about taking the upcoming Sexuality teleclass, but felt a little embarrassed.

It is SUCH a difficult topic.

Although, you could question that.

Isn’t it uncomfortable only because we’ve been very well trained to feel guilty, sad, jealous, unworthy, or frightened when it comes to sexual contact and sexuality?

OMG! Something terrible will happen if I feel attraction to “x”!

OMG! Something terrible will happen if I don’t feel attraction to “y”!

OMG! It is horrible when pairings change around and switch, or people sleep with one then another, or people leave long-time monogamous relationships!

OMG! I can’t say that out loud!

Really?

It’s weird all the rules and regulations people learn, often from adults ever since they are kids.

This over here is right. That over there is wrong.

It is such an incredible thing to question these “truths” or beliefs and take them to inquiry.

Just because you’re questioning them doesn’t mean all hell will break loose or you won’t have solid ground to stand on, don’t worry.

One of the biggest sources of pain is when people believe they should be with one person sexually or “in relationship”, and that same person has been with others!

I mean, people get really freaked out about this.

If you find yourself upset about a partner’s history, current desires, other relationships, or life outside of contact with you….

….you may want to inquire.

You may be making yourself completely crazy in where insanity is not necessary.

At all.

Here’s the general concept that flips people into the most whacked emotional states….and I can mention it, because that was me.

“That person should have no one but me as their partner, they should care about only me, they should sleep with only me, they should love only me in this special romantic partnered way.”

IS THAT TRUE?!?

Good lord, no.

What’s the reality of relationships?

I note that people throughout history are moving, going, coming, committing, ending, divorcing, breaking up. Since the beginning of humankind.

Apparently, Reality is that there are no hard and fast rules. Some are interested in one-to-one for many years, others like moving about.

What if there was really no “right” or “wrong”?

If this upsets you, why? What’s the danger?

And what WILL people think if you speak out loud anyway?

Seriously. Answer this question.

What is the actual problem with people not committing, or people having multiple relationships, or your partner choosing someone else, or talking about sex?

When I really looked at this with an open mind, I realized that the danger for me, when getting divorced, was that I was imagining I was worthy of being rejected, abandoned, or having a failed marriage.

It meant something about ME.

ME ME ME.

BAD BAD BAD.

But who would you be without the belief that the motions of other people, even that one you really love and adore, should be close to YOU ONLY?

“Part of waking up is that you live your life as you see fit. And understand: that is not selfish. The selfish thing is to demand that someone else live their life as YOU see fit. THAT’S selfish. It is not selfish to live your life as you see fit. The selfishness lies in demanding that someone else live their life to suit your tastes, or your pride, or your profit, or your pleasure. That is truly selfish….I no longer avoid you because of any negative feelings you create in me. You don’t have that power anymore.” ~ Anthony DeMello

Can you taste the freedom in allowing people to come and go as they please? The joy in you getting to do this, too?

And oh the freedom of speaking what you really want to say out loud. Of saying those words, those beliefs and thoughts that you’re thinking about what should or should not happen physically with others.

How could it be a good thing, that life shows up this way, with unknown couplings and unexpected attractions, with unplanned commitments and joyful long relationships?

How could it be awesome to talk about it?

When I felt the freedom available to me in divorce, in break ups, in losing all expectations for what relationships were supposed to look like….

….ahhhhh. Such wonder.

The fun, the discussions, the play, the exploration, the conversations! So wonderful, so intimate!

If you feel pain about any aspect of sexuality….ideas, loss, rules, difficulty, longing, fear, nervousness….

….you might love the upcoming Our Wonderful Sexuality class starting Thursday mornings 10-11:30 am Pacific time on January 22nd.

With respect for ourselves and every voice that wants to talk inside us, we write down our painful beliefs we tell ourselves about relationships, whether past, present or future….

….and free our minds.

Won’t you join me?

Much love,

Grace

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If You Feel Like A Boneless Chicken, There’s Hope

The other day I was listening to a lecture in order to earn Continuing Education Units for my counseling credential where I live. Chicken

I had exactly .25, one quarter, of a credit short before my birthday in a few weeks when all my credits were due. I hunted down a lecture online to learn from, something short.

A long-term psychotherapist, J. Eric Gentry, was offering a lecture. He has worked in the field of trauma for over 30 years.

His message?

Being in a repeated stressful situation, without inquiring, can leave you complaining, unhappy, and very numbly stuck.

You feel irritated and you say “this is a stressful job, a stressful situation, because of _____.”

You have your list of reasons….

….but you might be like a frog who’s been put in a warm pot of water where the heat’s slowly turned up, just slowly enough that the frog doesn’t leap out, but winds up getting boiled to death instead.

You aren’t moving. You can’t move.

So find a place where you feel repeatedly like you’re stuck, and you’ve almost given up.

We perceive something is an ongoing threat….

….and we lose brain functions like reason, clear judgment, fine motor control, speaking up clearly. Dr. Gentry said the sympathetic nervous system is activated and goes on major alert and you freeze (and consider flight).

THE WATER IS BOILING! But I’m too weak or unhappy to even jump out!

BURN OUT.

You say “I can’t take it anymore”!

Martin Seligman, a very famous psychologist, gave dogs electric shocks through the floor, randomly. Eventually, the dogs gave up and lay down, allowing themselves to be shocked, hopeless.

What-ev.

(Picture a teenager holding a “W” up on their forehead for “whatever”.)

Now…lying around like a boneless chicken isn’t necessarily the best experience, right?

One might think “I need to get motivated, I need to get fired up!”

But even an Olympic Athlete doesn’t say “I wish I would be MORE anxious about my upcoming competition.”

Relaxation is valued, interesting, comfortable, and good.

Somehow, we all know there’s a place of relaxation AND joyful action put together, without a big feeling of danger, fear, threat, stress.

I love what Dr. Gentry suggested.

Who would you be in your same stressful situation without tensing up? Without believing it is stressful?

Who would you be with the belief that your situation is hopeless?

Without the thought that it’s dangerous to speak up, try to make changes, or ask for what you need and want?

What if you no longer thought you were trapped, that you were a victim, that you’re stuck?

What would that look like?

“Burnout is a perceptual disorder, a perceptual issue. Nothing is ever demanded of you again. You have no demands upon you. You are free. Yes, your actions come with consequences, but you get to choose…” ~ Dr. J Eric Gentry

WOW!

Sinking into that place where I am truly, deeply free, without any expectation or demand for the outcome, without the clutching, without hoping, without pushing, without feeling stuck that there’s a *right* way, without feeling bossed, without feeling like a victim…..

…..I soften.

“Believing in a solid, separate self, continuing to seek pleasure and avoid pain, thinking that someone ‘out there’ is to blame for our pain—-one has to get totally fed up with these ways of thinking. One has to give up hope that this way of thinking will bring us satisfaction.” ~ Pema Chodron

I turn the thoughts around:

This situation is not hopeless.

I am not trapped.

I am not stuck.

Only my thinking is stuck in a loop-de-loop of no-way-out thinking.

But I myself am free.

Can you find how this is also true, or truer?

Even if your new ideas frighten you….question this. Don’t fall back on the floor again and give up.

You can do this.

“When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind and fearless.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love,

Grace

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Guilty About Good Fortune?

Even though I’ve looked at my beliefs and stories about money many times, and investigated like my life depended on it (I thought it did)….

….I learned something new after recently kicking off another 8 week teleclass on money AND the Year of Inquiry group underway happens to be on month five, which is MONEY month.

As the beautiful new teleclass group assembled on our conference call and introductions were made, I shared part of my money story.

I heard myself say “I never had to worry about money for most of my life….until that terrible time about ten years ago….”

Later I suddenly realized I still had an upset thought about me NOT having to ever worry about money prior to ten years ago.

Guilt.

My entire childhood, my teen years, my early twenties, my thirties…..I got to have adventures, classes, workshops, therapy, incredible experiences all over the world traveling to many many countries, private horse-back riding, piano and archery lessons, lived overseas several times, grew up in a 5000 square foot house.

I feel a little bad about even mentioning it.

It’s a SECRET.

The very exciting part of the tale of money for me, and my focus for the past few years (and whenever I tell my story) is the dramatic loss of all income, the plummeting savings to zero then below zero, the investments smashed to smithereens, the big house gone, that one Christmas holiday with an inability to buy gifts, the sleepless nights.

But the earlier money story?

People might get jealous. They might not take the hard times in the story so seriously.

They might say something like “waaaah” and pretend they’re playing a violin.

I really shouldn’t complain….I had it good for a really long, long time. I never had to work super hard. I hung out it luxurious places many times. I felt abundant. I was.

But I realized…my guilt was a sharp poking stressful story, like a sticky black inky blemish.

“I shouldn’t complain, most of my life I had it very easy with money”.

It reeks of disturbance, of judgment about having plenty.

Now don’t get me wrong.

That hard time was seriously WHACKO HARD.

And I pulled from it the most amazing sense of personal empowerment and freedom I would never, ever have found without going through it.

I have gratitude, with an almost gasp at the learning and expansion, from having gone through that hard, weird passage of time where money vanished out of my life.

It was incredible.

But before I get sidetracked into talking all about that bad, bad, rough time and everything I learned (see how that’s so sneaky and easy to do?)….

….How about that guilty thing I mentioned?

Having money is lucky, privileged, unusual. People shouldn’t brag about it. I should be grateful for that experience in the past. I shouldn’t complain.

Ever.

Do you ever tell yourself you shouldn’t complain?

Is it true?

Well….YEAH.

People will no longer relate to me, if they knew the whole story.

Is that absolutely true?

No.

How do I react when I remember that fun, easy, carefree life with lots of money in it?

The minute it comes to mind, I smack myself and think I should be more grateful, should have realized what I had, understood my privilege….and then I feel guilty.

Who would I be without the belief that all my early years were full of money and that means I shouldn’t complain or have worries, ever?

I would be deeply aware, more than ever, at how money is one big story, with many little chapters and plots.

For some it’s got big dramatic flare. It’s here, then gone, up then down. For others, its steady, doesn’t change much. For others, its a huge difficult struggle.

Without the thought….

….I would be right here, right now, in this present moment noticing how I feel about money, and how that changes depending every second on what I’m looking at and how I’m looking at it.

“What’s a human being to do? We’ve done the best that we can, and there’s shame and guilt…it’s hard. And out of that comes frustration and self-hatred, and we strike out….But when you work with the mind, the world changes. That’s how it is. Mind is the projector, and the world is the projected. Work with mind and the world follows. It’s so simple.” ~ Byron Katie

Just keep questioning any thought that appears, guilty, private, ashamed, dumb. About money even.

Much love,

Grace

P.S. In case you missed it: Saturday afternoon 1:30-3:30 Pacific Time, Todd Smith and I will be doing a mental cleanse jam, facilitating The Work of Byron Katie together online.

Register here (it’s a minimal fee) on Todd’s website. Join us!

Click Here to Work With Grace and Todd

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Worried About Your Kids And Drugs? Start Here.

This coming Saturday afternoon 1:30-3:30 Pacific Time, Todd Smith and I will be doing a mental cleanse jam.

Todd puts these together and he’s the creator. He calls it a Taste of The Work, and it will be awesome. There’s a minimal fee. Come join us! Here’s the link to sign up on Todd’s website:

Click Here to Work With Grace and Todd

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Meanwhile, back in the recesses of the mind….

…..not long ago a mom wrote to ask me to write about the fear of your kid getting into drugs.

Who would you be without worrying about your kid?

Soooooo powerful.

These kinds of thoughts about our kids going over the deep end into ANY kind of self-destructive behavior can keep us wide awake at night worrying.

And if you’re worrying…..I can’t recommend inquiry enough on this topic of parent-worry.

(By the way, I’ll be teaching the happy parenting teleclass again this year on Mondays starting February 23rd. We talk about this kind of fear big time).

So the first thing to do when you’re frightened about your kids doing drugs, taking risks, hanging out with people you don’t like….

….is to be willing to open your mind up to the possibility that your kid’s life is not yours to control.

You can’t control it anyway, right?

You already knew that….but in this particular relationship between parent and child, it’s good to first take a deep breath and simply acknowledge it very deeply. They’ve got their own path, their own life to live, their own lessons and pitfalls to go through.

Now, as you sit to write out some of your thoughts and see what scares you the most, this may seem like a really dorky question….

….but why do you want that kid to not get into drugs?

I know, I know….bizarre question.

No one wants their children to suffer, destroy themselves, hurt other people, or die.

But what is actually upsetting about it? Why not?

Write it down.

“I don’t want my kid to get into drugs because _______.”

Then ask the same question again. Why not?

I don’t want it because I don’t want my kid to get hurt. Why not?

I found an interesting place at the bottom of this inquiry. I noticed I wanted my kids to feel really good, do well, not get hurt, not escape into drugs or do harm….

….because then I would be happier, I was sure of it.

But who would you be without the belief that your kid’s life needs to go THAT way (no drugs) for YOU to be happy and stop worrying?

What if there’s something really vital, powerful, and magnificent to be learned and exposed through something going off balance, apparently, like drug use?

What if its an invitation of some kind?

Could there be anything good about a person getting into drugs?

Whew, I know that’s still so strange to consider. But drugs exist. They are part of reality.

Why would that be, do you think? If it’s a friendly universe, why would drug use be in it?

Maybe one reason drugs exist, is to get me to calm down and be more authentic and honest about drug use. I could speak about my fears to my kid and my family, and bring up my own escapist cravings that I had when I was a teenager (too scared to use drugs, but certainly used alcohol and food and cigarettes…two of which are drugs, lets be clear).

I might say to my kid “If you use drugs, I get scared I’ll lose you. I want you to be around so I’m happy!” and we could laugh.

I might ask with great genuine curiosity about my kid’s interest in drugs, open up to an equal, connected conversation about it.

Which is what I did, when I found out my son had smoked pot.

It was a really sweet, wonderful, kinda scary conversation. I was afraid he’d get mad at me bringing it up. But I knew to bring it up.

And I notice, he’s happy, mature, reliable, honest, willing to talk, loving, and alive.

Ha ha!

“I adore my children, and I adore my grandchildren, and their suffering is their business. I let them have their suffering. They can live, they can die, and I love them, that’s what I know. I love them enough to stay out of their business and be present.” ~ Byron Katie

Much love, Grace

P.S. Someone wrote asking if people who are NOT enrolled in the 3 month Eating Peace Program can register for the Eating Peace 3-day workshop. The answer is YES. I think four more spots still available.
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Eating Peace – Mind Like Water

What if you stopped trying so hard to do something about the way you eat, your weird food behavior, your cravings, your discord?
You might think “OMG! But! I have to do SOMETHING!!!!”
Right?
Otherwise….
….(terrible images, terrible feelings, terrible sadness).
What if instead you said Mind Like Water instead.
Watch here to see what I’m talking about:
Eating Peace With Grace Mind Like Water
Eating Peace With Grace Mind Like Water
You can relax, it’s OK.
Much love,
Grace

P.S. Eating Peace Workshop is filling this year. I love the people who are attending. Reserve your spot now, it’s one month away only. Click HERE.

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The Joy of Welcoming True Feedback–Yippee!

Someone wrote to me saying Grace Notes are too long.

I’ve heard it before (big surprise, right)?

Who would have known the quiet one in the back could wax on, chattering away, or raise their hand and share, or go on stage to perform or lead a retreat, or write daily notes.

But I LOVED that honesty. Very refreshing.

When people give me real, authentic feedback, I am honored.

So let’s see if I can make this shorter today….(stop jumping for joy, I saw that).

Here’s the way to clearly identify your stressful concept: “if someone offers a criticism, a correction, a preference, a suggestion….it means ______.”

Pick any time you felt a jolt in your gut or maybe a waft of disappointment drift by when someone shares with you some feedback, fill in that blank.

The stress feels like this:

Oh. Bummer. Rats. Shoot. I did it wrong. I need to change. Eck. They shouldn’t say that. They don’t like me. Embarrassed. Dang it. Hmm. Sad day. Help. No. Ouch.

Now, you’ve got several thoughts written down. Then you take one of them through the four questions.

Who would you be without the belief that you did something wrong, or disappointed someone (and that’s wrong) or were too much, too little, off, inadequate, mistaken, you lost out, it hurt?

“When I don’t look for approval outside me, I remain as approval. And through inquiry I have come to see that I want you to approve of what you approve of, because I love you. What you approve of is what I want. That’s love–it wouldn’t change anything. It already has everything it wants. It already IS everything it wants, just the way it wants it.” ~ Byron Katie

So thrilling!

Turns out, today I don’t think, research, contemplate or spend so much time on Grace Notes. I could use more time.

Oh boy, I love that person. They gave me such great advice!

“The Master doesn’t seek fulfillment. Not seeking, not expecting, she is present, and can welcome all things.” ~ Tao Te Ching #15

Much love, Grace

P.S. Someone wrote asking if people who are NOT enrolled in the 3 month Eating Peace Program can register for the Eating Peace 3-day workshop. The answer is YES. About 4 spots left.

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Interviews With Self-Inquiry Experts…My Gift To You (The First of Many)

Wondering what all the fuss is about with this thing called “doing The Work”?

When I first read Loving What Is and tried self-inquiry using Byron Katie’s method….

….I couldn’t really stay on track.

Wait…what’s the next question? How do I do this? What am I supposed to be asking again? What do you mean by stressful belief anyway? I hate that question ‘is it true?’ How the heck would I know?What d’ya mean who would I be without thought? Seriously?

Ha ha!

I could hardly hold still long enough to hold a pen and paper and start writing, let alone sit there and actually DO this thing called The Work.

But that was over ten years ago.

Slowly but surely, with sometimes huge jumps in awareness and a whole new view of the world, other people, and my life….

….I kept being drawn back.

It’s been an incredible and wonderful ride. It has changed my entire world, and my relationship and perception of reality.

But I remember how awkward and confusing it was at the beginning.

So I’m doing a fun new thing, simply for the spirit of sharing and connecting and showing you how other people also have become affected by self-inquiry.

I’m interviewing people, certified facilitators of The Work of Byron Katie (for starters) and practitioners who are change-agents for others……who have personally found joy, awareness, enlightenment and peace through self-inquiry.

I’m recording the interviews, and sharing them with you.

My first guest is Todd Smith, and he is the sweetest!

Our conversation began with a few technical pauses and a discussion of google hangouts, not The Work–all deleted. So it jumps right in at the beginning.

What you get to listen to is our connection in The Work, what Todd learned, how his personal inquiry unfolded, and what it’s like for him now.

Interview with Todd Smith, Facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie
Interview with Todd Smith, Facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie

I’m keepin’ it simple and chill. I offer these interviews for all of our learning and insight.

Enjoy and let me know in the comments below the video how YOU have been affected by the doing The Work.

I love hearing your story!

Together, we all question, we all end suffering and inner and outer war, we all discover the peace beyond all understanding (in a good way)!

“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.” 
Much love, Grace
P.S. Lots of classes and opportunities in 2015! Registration is open, even for Breitenbush in June (it will sell out so I recommend doing it soon).