Sitting on my couch yesterday morning in my little cottage, with lilac blooms in the air and sun (imagine that in Seattle) streaming through the blinds, I felt such gratitude as the current RH2H teleclass did The Work together on the phone.
RH2H stands for Relationship Hell To Heaven.
Yes, that means ANY relationship. Even that really awful one that feels like fiery hell, frustration, sadness or pain when you think about it and remember it, even if it’s long over.
Or maybe its a relationship that feels rocky….good some moments, bad others, not easy somehow, not pleasant.
Many people as they look at the course of their lives can see relationships that went sour, something happened and things changed course, there was conflict, there was a situation, fear entered the scene, lack of love permeated the communication.
Maybe something surprising was revealed, or the way you thought you knew someone turned out to be inaccurate.
Some people would say “if those are friends, who needs enemies?!”
In the past couple of years, I had two of those kinds of relationships where I had the thought “Wow….really?” and felt enormous disappointment and near shock.
Now the funny thing is….all great dramas are full of relationship surprises. It’s what makes Shakespeare so famous. And soap operas.
As Eckhart Tolle said….any great movie has the following element:
Something goes wrong.
The thing is, if we get stuck in the part of the story where something went wrong, and give up, resent forever, rage against, or attack the person who became an enemy….then things stay trapped in the dark places and….. it gets kind of boring.
No one wants to continue reading the story, or watching the movie.
The good part is when there is a great battle, something is now set right, something is overcome, and Great Peace prevails over the land.
In fact many of the most famous and wonderful tales open where the world has been dominated by a long period of dark chaos….but we’re about to enter the part of the story where light returns, awareness, adventure, and glory!
The light and glory and love and beauty, you can see, come out of sorrow, unconsciousness, desperation and dischord. In the great stories, at least.
So maybe, those people who have caused trouble are giving you the chance for brilliance and love beyond what you’ve ever known.
Perhaps there could be no adventure, no breaking free from blindness, without them.
I know this is true for me.
“If I see an enemy, I need to take another look…because that is my friend, not my enemy. Enemies enlighten me to myself. That makes them friends. In the world of the personality, friends are people who agree with you. You say ‘look at him, he is a terrible person’ and friends agree ‘yes he is a terrible person’…so now you have the people who believe like YOU do. The cult of people that preach The Universe Is Mean And Unfriendly. And if one of those friends says….’is it true, are you sure, is he really a terrible person?’ then your cult is threatened and you have to kick them out of the Who-Agrees-With-You Cult, because they dared to question what you believe about the nature of the universe. So, look to enemies as friends, and friends and friends.”~Byron Katie
I may tell the story of how I was hurt by that person in my life, or shocked, or scared, or terribly sad….but if I tell that story, I notice that then my job is to do The Work and question my thoughts, question my story.
I find, and continue to find, goodness that comes out of that troubling experience I had with that person.
I find real, genuine examples of how without that challenging person, I would not be where I am today.
In the two relationships I thought of, that felt really off, I find many examples for it being really good that it went the way it went. They offered the following awareness, and I honestly might not have such deep, deep appreciation for these without those “enemies”.
- I’m more confident than ever about my amazing career working with people all over the world to find freedom from stressful thinking
- I have great appreciation for all my colleagues, grad-school professors, and mentors in counseling who are a part of my professional life
- I adore my darling husband and his many easy and loving, mature qualities
- I love my life of freedom from extreme addictive behavior including co-dependency
- I love the lack of alcohol, drugs, using, overeating, and craving in my life
- I get more than ever what genuine open and free friendship really means
- I take care of myself very well, especially my health and well-being
- I say “no” when I feel it much sooner, and “yes” sooner as well
I see my part in the dramas that occurred. I say into the universe, to the image of that person in my mind (it is not necessary to contact that person unless you realize its the right thing for you to do):
“Thank you for doing that—thank you for being yourself”.
Interacting with those “difficult” people gave me some of the biggest lessons, growth and joy of my life.
What are examples of good things that came out of your troubling relationships? See if you can find at least three.
This is your time for making it a GREAT STORY!
And, if your tough relationships have been with FOOD or MONEY….join the teleclass that starts in June and spend eight weeks in discovery around these sometimes VERY troubling relationships.
Horrible Food Wonderful Food meets on Tuesdays starting June 11th from 5:15-6:45 pm Pacific time and Earning Money meets on Thursdays starting June 13th also from 5:15 – 6:45 pm Pacific time.
Both teleclasses already have people enrolled, and they are limited to 10 people max, so come on board if it’s right for you this time around, if its time to question that painful story.
Much love, Grace